I made sure that I was the one who wrote it. Today looking back, I have absolutely no idea how I accomplished this task. All I knew at the time was that I was adamant that it be me who wrote it. Up to this point, I was in a whirlwind of sorts, with all of this grief and emotion and people and decisions and tears swirling around me. It was, and is, a complete feeling of helplessness. I will not post the obit in this blog because of the extended family names and such, but I will say that I worked on it with the thought in mind that I wanted to make Colton proud. I wanted to include everyone that needed to be mentioned, and to say things about my son that I knew were important to him. As we had to leave the Province and go home quite soon after the service, the date of the Celebration of Life had to be the following day. Even so, the hall that we booked on such short notice was filled. There were many people there that I did not know, as they were from the other side of the extended family, or friends of Colton’s from school, or the boys from the band that Colton was a part of. More than enough food showed up without my knowledge or input of any kind. I remember thinking later “who planned all this?” because clearly, I was not in a state to have done it. Yet somehow, even in those dark moments, when important decisions needed to be made, as his mother, I made them. At the core of a mother’s heart, there is the strength to do anything that is needed to be done for your child. At the service, I was told that someone wanted to get up and say a few words, and did I want to be first. Up to that moment, I had no intention of speaking. Looking back, this is surprising to me because of course people get up and speak at funerals. For some reason I simply hadn’t thought of it. So, I took a “time out” and sat in the lobby of the hall for a while and wrote a speech. It went like this:
On this special day I want to thank everyone that’s here this evening for the love and support that they’ve shown to my one and only child. Since I’ve been here, back in Prince George, I’ve seen an outpouring of love from all that know Colton, from high school friends to local musicians to family to co-workers and people in the community that know him. This young man has touched so many lives and is loved by many. As a mother, I see there is no better testament to the man he has become than to see him surrounded by love at this time. Today, everyone here has become one family. I’m also so proud of him today, for he has chosen well, a wife to share his life who no one here could’ve chosen better. I love her as my own daughter. So Colton, to quote the only astronaut I know, “I love you to Eternity and Beyond”.
Colton and his girl shared vows in a brief ceremony four weeks before his passing. She had been his primary caregiver through the previous year and powered through this task with a fierce love and determination like I’ve never seen in such a young woman. She has since moved on and has a son of her own now, and I’m happy she is doing well.
When Colton was little and the first Toy Story movie came out, I bought him the Buzz Lightyear toy that made noise and said “To Eternity, and Beyond!”. Sometimes, instead of “I love you more” it would be “To Eternity, and Beyond”. I also make note that in the speech, I only made reference to Colton in the present tense. To me, he wasn’t gone. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be at their own Celebration of Life, to see who showed up and what they had to say? I know I would.
In hindsight I am so grateful that I did write his Obituary. I am so grateful that I got up first to speak at his gathering. I would encourage bereaved parents to do the same, or participate in whatever way you have the strength to, because you will not regret it. You won’t get another chance. It is a gift you can still give to your child. There are many tasks at this time that are so very, very hard. Burial or cremation? What will you put the ashes in? Do you want a necklace to hold some of the ashes? I hope you have/had someone special and close to you to talk through these things with and who will help you make these important decisions. I am grateful that I did. I am also grateful that Colton made some of the hard decisions for himself. If you can, have these difficult conversations while you have time. He chose to be cremated, and I do have a necklace containing some ashes that I wear when I need to. At first, I wore it constantly. Over time, I wear it less and less. I guess that’s progress. He’s not in the necklace.