I’m Nancy. I was born and raised in the beautiful Okanagan Valley of B.C. Canada. At 26, I became Colton’s Mom, where both the hardest and most rewarding journey began. I’ve had a fulfilling career with a western Canadian grocery chain, where I met my husband Randy. We now reside on beautiful Vancouver Island where I wake up, look at the ocean, think of my son, and try and find some peace to heal my shattered heart.
For my family, friends, those that know me through work or social media, this is a departure from the “me” that they know. In this blog, I share my intimate thoughts, feelings and details surrounding the loss of my son and my grief journey. At the time of starting this blog, it’s been 3 1/2 years without Colton here. My life has changed in so many ways. I’m different. Still me, but also, someone new. My belief system has changed. I’m learning about life (and death) all over again.
We all think we know grief. I know I did. I’ve lost my parents, family members, some really good friends. But, losing your only child is a completely different grief. It’s complicated. It’s a wave of emotional pain unlike any other. I’m learning to navigate the ebb and flow of the waves. My greatest fear is to get ‘stuck’ in grief. So, griefinmocean seemed like a good place to start. If my story resonates with you, please follow along and join me in my grief journey. Together has got to be easier than going through this alone.
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Let me start by saying that I am no authority on anything, but I do know grief. I know it too well. The handsome young man in the photo here with me is my one and only, Colton. I had the incredible privilege of being his mom for 26 years, 9 weeks and 2 days, until Cancer made him say goodbye.
I should’ve started writing right away, they said it would be therapeutic. But honestly, who are ‘they’ anyways and, I could barely keep my thoughts straight or string more than a few words together. Then eventually, an endless commentary began in my head. Things I’d wanted to say but didn’t get the chance. All day in the background and all night while desperate to fall asleep. Now, I’d like to share my story and the journey that continues because the story never ends. You probably have a similar one, a story of loss.
My goal is to be found by other grieving parents, by those who have loved and lost, to share our stories and experiences, and to help each other carry on.
Grief is universal. It affects every aspect of our lives, changing the way we think, the way we look and feel. It can stop us in our tracks. It unites us. The absolute worst thing that I could’ve ever imagined has happened to me. It’s the loneliest feeling. Still, I know I am not alone. If this found you today, I’m here struggling like you.