I’m speaking of at least one true, loyal, dedicated loving friend. I’m not talking about your mate, or even your family, that is a different blog. I mean someone who is your go-to, your bestie, your nearest and dearest. For me, that is Barb.
I met Barb at work, when I was transferred to the store that she worked in. I was nervous and rather cold, with my head down and ready to work. She was friendly, bubbly, and willing to give me a chance. I had a craft idea to decorate the store for Christmas and she agreed to come over and help me make it. While there, my husband came home for lunch and made us some incredible nachos. From that moment on we became inseparable friends. We’ve helped each other during the tough times and celebrated with each other during the great times. Lots of wine, movies, laughter, tears and hot tub talks about life followed. Barb didn’t stay with the company, but she stayed (thankfully!) in my life.
Barb is an empath. She feels. Everything. Also, she gives great advice, is a marvelous conversationalist, and is a ton of fun. She is a hugger. At first I was a bit uncomfortable with this, as she is well known for her uncomfortably long hugs. I now understand that this is just one of her gifts. I literally love everything about her.
Fast forward to November 2017. Colton had gone through much hell by this time, flying to Vancouver for 2 surgeries for his Cancer, endured Chemo and Radiation, and had been given the all clear to return to work. I knew that he was having some back pain that he couldn’t explain. He told me that he didn’t think he’d hurt it at work. He was a glass installer so it was a possibility. He’d gone to the doctor who had sent him for tests including a scan. Randy and I had vacation booked and were in Cancun at the time. His test results were due back on Monday and we would be home by then, so I didn’t worry. He was back at work and had been given the “all clear”. However, he got the news on Thursday, and I was out of the country.
In his panic and emotional upset, Colton had somehow gapped on where I was when he was given his bad news. He called everyone he could think of to try and reach me. Of course, my cell was not turned on where I was. Barb was the one who knew which resort we were at, and found the contact number for him. When I took the call in the lobby of the hotel, time stood still. All I could hear was “Mom, I’m fucked. I’m terminal. The Cancer has spread everywhere.” I don’t remember much after that, just lots of I love you, I’ll get there as fast as I can, I’m on my way…..and the spectacle I’m sure I was when I broke down in the Lobby and saw that everyone had moved to the other end of the counter.
When Randy and I got to our room I called Barb. I really don’t remember much except for a few arrangements and a lot of crying. I remember saying “Barb, how will I endure this?” over and over and her saying “I don’t know, I don’t know”.
When we got home I had less than a 24 hour window before my flight left for Prince George. Laundry and re-pack. No idea what to take or how long I’d be gone. I only knew I was going to stay with Barb and Dave, her man. She would have it no other way. It was not a question. I would temporarily move in. We did not know at the time, that that would mean some 52 days…
To say that my life and Colton’s situation disrupted her (and Dave’s) lives during that time was a huge understatement. The first 2 weeks, Colton was in hospital. Palliative care. What??? How could this be happening? I was in shock. We all were. The Cancer had spread to his vertebrae, lung, liver, skull. His girlfriend was a mess. Exhausted. Emotional. Colton was angry, weak, swiftly resigned to his fate. I was quiet, in disbelief, trying to figure everything out, search for a remedy, anything. In the evenings, when I didn’t stay at the hospital, Barb and I would talk about everything. In hindsight, kept me sane. Randy was making trips from Alberta, over the Rockies in winter, dragging our travel trailer so as to have a private space when needed, as he managed his time with work. Of course, once we knew the situation, I was on leave from work. There was no way I would leave my son.
The second 2 weeks Colton spent at his place where he lived with his girlfriend. In hindsight, this was a mistake, but he really didn’t have another option at the time. So, we tried to manage his meds, make sure groceries were purchased and meals were made, and that he had everything he needed. A hospital bed was brought in, a lift chair, side table on wheels, etc. I learned how to make marijuana cookies because they helped him relax and he didn’t like to smoke. I learned about Fentinol patches. I learned that he liked to have the Nature channel on because he found it relaxing. I learned what to ask and what not to ask. I got yelled at. I got hugged and told I was loved. I experienced every emotion. Then, in the evening, Barb would listen. Poured me wine and let me cry. She took time off work when it became too much for her. There was a tremendous amount of things going on. I would apologize, she would say ‘don’t’. All Randy and I could do was provide what was needed for the day, whether it was money, groceries, alcohol, whatever.
Before I was able to fly home, Colton and I had a conversation about a ring. He knew that his girlfriend wanted to have his last name and a simple ceremony would take place. Before I left I found a beautiful blue sapphire surrounded by white sapphires in the style of Princess Diana’s ring for her. He loved it. They were married on December 16th, 2017.
Christmas. Really? I couldn’t have cared less. Yet here we were, invading Barb and Dave’s house during the holidays. The timing could not have been worse. It was the worst of times, and we were trying our very hardest to find a shred of something….joy? There was no joy to be found, at least for me. Dave had been laid off from work. I was off work and had not yet received E.I. Somehow, we managed presents, meals, family gatherings, the whole thing. Maybe that in itself was the miracle. Knowing that Christmas is Barb’s favorite holiday made my heart ache even more.
Shortly after, it was time for Colton to go to Hospice. I thought that this would be a sad, dark time. But, the opposite turned out to be true for the most part during the 2 weeks he was there. For a time, Randy and I were able to stay at Hospice with him in a separate suite. This not only gave Barb and Dave a break, but I was able to be there to have breakfast with Colton and prepare meals for the extended family and the ever-present flow of friends that came and went.
I don’t really remember much about packing up and leaving the Hospice suite on the evening of January 15, 2018. But I will tell you this, I remember being so thankful that I had Barb’s house to go to that night. Somewhere where I was loved, cared for, and understood.
Of course, there is so much more to tell about this time. The day of his passing is so important to remember and to write about. I just can’t do it yet.
If you have a friend like my Barb, you are the luckiest of the lucky. She holds a piece of my heart forever for how she was there for me and my family during this horrible chapter of my life. If you don’t, I can only hope that you were able to get the help and support that is so crucial during a time such as this.
One last thing that I am eternally thankful for is the fact that Barb loves photography. Over the years she has taken family photos for me and throughout this time, took many very precious photos of me with Colton. Without Barb, I would not have these precious moments to look back on and remember, and I am eternally grateful. If you ever find yourself about to lose someone you love more than anything, please, please, take as many pictures as you can…..you will be so thankful that you did.
Barb, I love you. Thank you for being my best friend.
I love you and I would do anything for you. I only wish I could take your pain from you. ♥️♥️♥️